“A significant challenge of being overwhelmed individually, regardless of the cause, is how incredibly hard it can be to have or maintain awareness that you are actually overwhelmed.”
~ Laura van Dernoot Lipsky
There is so much every day that competes for our time and attention. It can feel hard, if not impossible, to keep up. We go through the motions, sometimes on complete autopilot, handling what we need to handle, being present in some moments and completely checked out in others. Something small and seemingly insignificant happens and we snap, typically lashing out at those closest to us.
These are tender moments. These moments often reflect a state of overwhelm or burnout that we didn’t even notice until it is too late.
If you have a couple minutes, read the following paragraph slowly, pausing after each question.
How are you feeling in this moment as you read my words? What do you notice in your body? Are you feeling tense, restless, or uneasy? Do any muscles hurt or need your attention? Would it feel good to stretch or move your body in some way? If so, take a moment and do just that. How are you feeling emotionally? What is competing most for your attention in this moment, perhaps drawing you away from my words? Would it be helpful to write your thoughts down? Are there any basic needs that need tending to? Are you hungry, thirsty, or tired?
This paragraph was a quick check-in I offered you to tune in to what you are experiencing mentally, physically and emotionally and it can be such a critical step as you address and begin healing from an emotional state of overwhelm or burnout.
My gentle wisdom begins with self-awareness. We each have what is known as a window of tolerance, when we are within that window, we feel safe, comfortable, and content. When we step outside that window, we can experience discomfort, perhaps in the form of anxiety, panic, fear, rage, or sorrow. We would each do well to get to know and understand our internal landscape so that we can take steps to keep ourselves within our window of tolerance.
What are the physical and emotional indicators you are heading toward burnout or overwhelm? What are your physical or emotional indicators for panic, fear, anxiety or anger? What do you most need in those tender moments? Is it a couple deep breaths, a walk outside, connection with friends or nature, journaling, etc. Begin with creating space for more check-ins with yourself throughout the day. You saw how brief my paragraph was, ask yourself those questions from time to time to get to know and understand your emotional states and how to best tend to them.
This leads me into the importance of self-compassion, which I will save for another post because I think it deserves a separate space, but it bears mention here. In that tender space when you feel so overwhelmed you don’t know where to begin, shaming yourself for being human, I want you to hold in your mind someone who is very dear to you. This may be your best friend, your child or partner. What would you say to them as you held space for their pain and overwhelm? Write those words out and then read them to yourself. You deserve the same love and compassion that you give to others, especially during tender moments of overwhelm.